Jokes and riddles

Hello my name is Tex Selenas and i've got some jokes and riddles that are gonna blow your top off! so screw it on tight.

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What time is it when you have to go the dentist?
Tooth Hurty!
Who likes to drink cocoa?
A Cocoanut!
Submitted by Jennifer, age 9
What did one eye say to the other eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
Submitted by Blake, age 6
What did the teacher say when it rained cats and dogs?
Be careful not to step on a poodle!
Submitted by Kelly, age 12
What is even smarter than a talking bird?
A Spelling Bee!
Submitted by Rebecca, age 11
Who is the greatest underwater spy?
James POND!
Submitted by Treven, age 10
What sickness does a martial artist have?
Kung FLU!
What happens if you take a one hundred foot dive into a glass of gingerale?
Nothing! It's a SOFT drink!
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Submitted by Alexandra, age 12
What kind of a storm is always in a rush?
A Hurry Cain!
Submitted by Clouie, age 10
Why are there gates around graveyards?
Because everybody is DYING to get in!
Submitted by Kathleen, age 11
What do you get if you mix a car, a fly, and a dog?
A flying carpet!
What do you call a worm with no teeth?
A gummy worm!
Submitted by David, age 6
What lies on the bottom of the ocean and shakes?
A nervous wreck!
Submitted by Caitlin, age 9
How did the telephone propose to the lady?
It gave her a ring!
Submitted by Melissa, age 10
What pet does everyone have?
An Armpet!
submitted by Emman, age 9
What did the nut say when it sneezed?
Submitted by Emmy, age 7
What table can we eat?
A vegeTABLE!
Submitted by Emma, age 12
Which is faster: Hot or Cold?
Hot, 'cause you can catch a cold!
Submitted by Nicholas, age 12
Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop!
Submitted by Rameez, age 11
Why does "A" look like a flower?
Because "B" follows it!
Submitted by Lydia, age 9
Why did the boy tiptoe towards the medicine cabinet?
Because he didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
Submitted by Nayantara, age 13
What did Cinderella say to the photographer?
I want my "prints" back!
Submitted by Annie, age 12
What is a cannibal's favourite game?
Swallow the Leader!
Why couldn't the teddy bear eat his dessert?
He was stuffed!
Submitted by Christina, age 12
What does a farmer use to count his cattle?
A COWculator!
Submitted by Christina, age 12
Why didn't the skeleton dance?
Because he had no body to dance with!
Submitted by Taylor, age 11
Who won when the two waves raced?
They tide!
Submitted by Taylor, age 11
Why did the boy put lipstick on his head?
Because he wanted to make up his mind!
Submitted by Kirsten, age 13
What happened to the dog that swallowed a watch?
It got ticks!
Submitted by Ashleigh, age 10
Who is the ruler of the beach?
The Sand-witch!
Submitted by Adam, age 8
Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
Because he was out standing in his field!
Submitted by Matt
Which cat would you never play poker with?
A Cheetah!
Submitted by Elaina, age 11
Why did the kid cross the park?
To get to the other slide!
Submitted by Claudia, age 7
Why couldn't the pirates play cards?
Because the captain was sitting on the deck!
Submitted by Madison, age 9
What do you get when you a cross a vampire with a snowman?
What do you call a fish without eyes?
A fsh!
Submitted by Leah, age 11
Why did the child bring his dad to school?
'Cause he had a POP quiz!
Submitted by Leah, age 11
When a duck has no money, what does it tell the waiter?
"Put it on my bill!"
Submitted by Jake, age 10
Why doesn't Dracula have friends?
'Cause he's a pain in the neck!
Submitted by Lauren, age 10
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing. It just waved!
Submitted by Sarah, age 13
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all of his uncles were ants!
Submitted by Allison, age 11
Why can't a nose be twelve inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
Submitted by Jercel
When is a door not a door?
When it's aJAR!
Why do people carry umbrellas?
Because umbrellas can't walk!
Submitted by Jessica, age 11
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Submitted by Manisha, age 12
What is in a ghost's nose?
Submitted by Mateo, age 10
What did the man say when the church burnt down?
Holy Smoke!
Submitted by Parker
Why can't you take a picture of a man with a wooden leg?
Because a wooden leg is not made like a camera!
Submitted by Ramona
Why can't you tell jokes to an egg?
Because it will crack up!
Submitted by Layla, age 7
Why didn't the third grader go the pirate movie?
Because it was rated "ARRR"!
Submitted by Hannah, age 8
What has wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
Submitted by Daren
Why did the grizzly put on pyjamas?
Because he was bear naked!
Submitted by Jeannet, age 11
What gives you the power to walk through walls?
A door!
Submitted by Bray Bray, age 13
Why was the cucumber mad?
Because it was in a pickle!
Submitted by Natalie, age 11
Why did the bubblegum cross the road?
Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot!
Submitted by Brezdin, age 16
Why was the broom late for work?
Because it over-swept!
Submitted by Lashaunta
What room has no walls?
A mushroom!
Submitted by Jaiya, age 9
Who was the best dancer at the monster dance?
The boogie man!
Submitted by Lashaunta
What did the mayonnaise say to the fridge?
Close the door, I'm dressing!
What would the U.S. be called if everyone in it drove pink cars?
A pink car-nation!
Why was the ketchup last in the race?
It couldn't ketch-up!
Why did the cabbage win the race?
Because it was a-head!
What did the fridge say to the mayonnaise?
Don't come in, I've got a cold!
Why did the famous movie stars go to the river?
They wanted to give out some otter-graphs!
Where do you leave your dog while you shop?
In a barking lot!
What would the U.S. be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?
An in-car-nation!
What would the U.S. be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?
A re-in-car-nation!
How does the biologist like to communicate?
With his cell phone!
When do parents complain because of eye pain?
When they have their eye on you!
What's brown and sticky?
A stick!
Why did Superman cross the road?
To get to the supermarket!
Submitted by Richard, age 10
What did the football coach say to the banker?
I want my quarter back!
Submitted by Yawnie
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
'Cause he didn't have the guts!
What's green and sings?
Elvis Parsley!
Submitted by Chris, age 11
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven "ate" nine!
Submitted by Tommy, age 9